The Zulack Experience

The Misfits

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Need Before Greed The things that we need and things that we want are quite different. Sometimes we confuse those two. Most of the time, we convince ourselves that those two are the same. I wanted to become a Firefighter when I was 6. And then I wanted to become something else, later. As of late, I decided to give up on the idea of wanting to become something. I decided that I need to become something. Something important, something useful. Without usefulness, what is the point of holding on to it? If my life isn’t useful, all I am doing is wasting every bit of resource that could have gone to someone else. If I decide to live such a useless life, I become nothing but a greedy prick holding back everyone, and holding on to every single, pitiful breathe that I don’t need.  If I am not needed, what is the point of carrying on? If the world does not, even better, cannot find a need for me, should I be continuing on this sorry life, after all these years? How many more people should I hold back, hoping that I find what I can be used for? What do I need, what do I need, what do I need… I want to die. But I need to get my life together. View high resolution

Need Before Greed

The things that we need and things that we want are quite different. Sometimes we confuse those two. Most of the time, we convince ourselves that those two are the same.

I wanted to become a Firefighter when I was 6. And then I wanted to become something else, later.

As of late, I decided to give up on the idea of wanting to become something. I decided that I need to become something. Something important, something useful. Without usefulness, what is the point of holding on to it? If my life isn’t useful, all I am doing is wasting every bit of resource that could have gone to someone else. If I decide to live such a useless life, I become nothing but a greedy prick holding back everyone, and holding on to every single, pitiful breathe that I don’t need. 

If I am not needed, what is the point of carrying on? If the world does not, even better, cannot find a need for me, should I be continuing on this sorry life, after all these years? How many more people should I hold back, hoping that I find what I can be used for?

What do I need, what do I need, what do I need…

I want to die.

But I need to get my life together.

Posted in Yes it's a WoW refernce But no seriously
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As I try (not) to. Play by the Rules. Grew up playing video Games. Grew up, then started to Drink. Regards to Innocence. Golden cartridge Zelda found it. Bronze swigs of Jack Daniel’s took it. Independence Day. Playing with things from Japan. Living in things from America. Sleeping Arrangements. Twin size bed, Afraid of the dark. King size bed, the Glass castle. Growing Up. Defining the unDefinable. Un-define the Defined. View high resolution

As I try (not) to.

Play by the Rules.

Grew up playing video Games.

Grew up, then started to Drink.

Regards to Innocence.

Golden cartridge Zelda found it.

Bronze swigs of Jack Daniel’s took it.

Independence Day.

Playing with things from Japan.

Living in things from America.

Sleeping Arrangements.

Twin size bed, Afraid of the dark.

King size bed, the Glass castle.

Growing Up.

Defining the unDefinable.

Un-define the Defined.

Posted in To a new start
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Come on Mr. Bubbles! Angels are waiting for our kisses! View high resolution

Come on Mr. Bubbles! Angels are waiting for our kisses!

Posted in should have done a better job coloring
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Tears These tears. Blue, white flames. Born from joy and sorrow.  These tears. Burns my face, burns my heart. Let’s make this night forever, last forever. View high resolution

Tears

These tears.

Blue, white flames.

Born from joy and sorrow. 

These tears.

Burns my face, burns my heart.

Let’s make this night forever, last forever.

Posted in interesting night alcohol with a sidedish of loneliness
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Life without a Purpose

I met him the first day I moved but we didn’t become friends then.

After a month, I still didn’t have any friends and I became desperate. He realized this and approached me. His name was Max. It didn’t take long for us to become close friends. After all, he lived two house down the street and we were in the same class. 

He was quiet during class but during break, he would be the one who usually starts shenanigans and get into trouble. He would often tease girls and play rough with his other friends, but he never bullied anyone. Not every one liked him, but every one definitely knew of him.

Every day after school we would hang out at the play ground but whenever his brother got new games, we would stay at his house and watch Max’s brother play. Thanks to him, we were able to get our hands on new and sometimes age inappropriate games before most of the crowd did.

One day in school, Max realized that whenever I was involved in his mischief, he didn’t get into too much trouble. Of course, we still got into trouble but the punishments weren’t as harsh. Few days later, he introduced me to his group of friends.

I knew of them but that was the first time I was introduced as a friend, one of their own. Jay was a big, Carrot was lanky but strong and Jim always had a smile on his face. It didn’t take long to become good friends with all of them.

It was last day of school when I first met Max’s parents. For a whole year, staying close to him and hanging out at his house, I never met either of them before. Max looked a lot like his father but his mother looked very young, maybe a bit too young to be Max’s mother.

Posted in life without a purpose is my life
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Welcome to April Illusions. View high resolution

Welcome to April

Illusions.

Posted in a picture of Tokyo Tower taken from Tokyo Tower
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Good morning. It’s drizzling. 3 exams for 3 days. On top of that it was the worse day for me yesterday. As if I was running away, I forced my self to sleep. But. But today. I woke up earlier than usual. Wide awake, turned on some music and got into the shower. Refreshed and energized, I checked the time and I still had some time left. Checked on some of my old friends and found out how good they were doing. One’s going to Hungary to study, one got married 2 years ago and one’s going to get married soon. Homework still undone, 3 exams for 3 days, raining a bit. But, hey! I feel great today. I feel great today! View high resolution

Good morning.

It’s drizzling. 3 exams for 3 days. On top of that it was the worse day for me yesterday. As if I was running away, I forced my self to sleep.

But.

But today. I woke up earlier than usual. Wide awake, turned on some music and got into the shower. Refreshed and energized, I checked the time and I still had some time left. Checked on some of my old friends and found out how good they were doing. One’s going to Hungary to study, one got married 2 years ago and one’s going to get married soon.

Homework still undone, 3 exams for 3 days, raining a bit.

But, hey!

I feel great today. I feel great today!

Posted in Whishes everyone to have a great day
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Current It’s been exactly five days since I went to sleep, without the help of alcohol. The first two days were pretty bad. Exploring my bed, I wasn’t able to lay calm. The room was dark as Sin itself, but I was able to see through it. My desk, my camera, my books. At night they come alive. The darkness breathes into them and without my power, I was prey and predator to the chaos. Singing lullabies to sleepless nights, finally, I am now able to embrace the darkness. Lying in bed, I am staring at the ceiling, but with a blink, I was staring at the ceiling. I can hear and see things, but they are not the ceiling or the cars outside. I wake up to the birds chirping and sun shining. I roll over to embrace the coldness of the bed. But to my surprise, I am greeted by Jim. Sitting right next to me motionless, it stares right into my eyes. ‘Good morning’…I whisper. And we kiss. View high resolution

Current

It’s been exactly five days since I went to sleep, without the help of alcohol.

The first two days were pretty bad. Exploring my bed, I wasn’t able to lay calm. The room was dark as Sin itself, but I was able to see through it. My desk, my camera, my books. At night they come alive. The darkness breathes into them and without my power, I was prey and predator to the chaos.

Singing lullabies to sleepless nights, finally, I am now able to embrace the darkness. Lying in bed, I am staring at the ceiling, but with a blink, I was staring at the ceiling. I can hear and see things, but they are not the ceiling or the cars outside.

I wake up to the birds chirping and sun shining. I roll over to embrace the coldness of the bed. But to my surprise, I am greeted by Jim. Sitting right next to me motionless, it stares right into my eyes.

‘Good morning’…I whisper.

And we kiss.

Posted in I might have a drinking problem
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