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Need Before Greed
The things that we need and things that we want are quite different. Sometimes we confuse those two. Most of the time, we convince ourselves that those two are the same.
I wanted to become a Firefighter when I was 6. And then I wanted to become something else, later.
As of late, I decided to give up on the idea of wanting to become something. I decided that I need to become something. Something important, something useful. Without usefulness, what is the point of holding on to it? If my life isn’t useful, all I am doing is wasting every bit of resource that could have gone to someone else. If I decide to live such a useless life, I become nothing but a greedy prick holding back everyone, and holding on to every single, pitiful breathe that I don’t need.
If I am not needed, what is the point of carrying on? If the world does not, even better, cannot find a need for me, should I be continuing on this sorry life, after all these years? How many more people should I hold back, hoping that I find what I can be used for?
What do I need, what do I need, what do I need…
I want to die.
But I need to get my life together.